Hi. Here I am,again.
About to state nonsense rants about anything.
But actually,i’m gonna post something that may (?) clear some things.

I’ve re-read my previous blogposts,and some of them or actually most of them, were a complete pile of shit.

First,wala na talagang kwenta ‘tong blog ko. Nothing that I post makes sense,or it does,somehow. Pero my point here is,puro tungkol na lang sa friends,trust issues, mga mala “hopeless romantic” kong posts, supposed to be “change for the better” which is obviously hindi ko naman nagagawa or magawa, or talagang hindi ko lang kaya gawin kasi ewan ko. If you were reading at my blog for the previous months, then wow,lucky for you hindi ka pa namatay sa kacornyhan at ka-walang kwenta-han.

Second. I post what I feel at that exact moment kaya halos puro rants and bullshits andito. Kapag malungkot,tumblr. Kapag may nangyari,tumblr. Wala naman kasi akong mapaglabasan ng nararamdaman, lalo na ngayon… well i’ll explain that later. I’m not that typical teenager na kapag malungkot,magkukulong sa kwarto (dahil wala akong kwarto) or would eventually go out and do things to re-direct their attention because I certainly cannot do those. Taong bahay here. And my parents are too strict to let us do what we want even tho my bro’s 20 and I am 18. So let’s just cut it there.

Third, I would like to apologize for the immaturity of my new posts. Yung dalawa kong posts which consists of: Rants with explicit words and second,yung ma-drama. I don’t really know how to express my feelings,actually. Itong tumblr lang yung napagbubuntungan ko lagi. Kaya bigla bigla akong napapa-post ng ganung kadramahan at kawalanghiyaan. My apologies to the people who read those. Specifically to this one person.

Hey,i’ve got something for you. Hindi ‘to drama,or maybe sort of like that pero i’ll try my best to not make it as emotional as possible. And you told me that I deserve to say or even atleast express what I felt that time,and you said that you’ll accept them.

Nah. Just kidding. Wouldn’t want to stress you out either. Thanks lang,gusto ko lang magpasalamat lang talaga sayo for everything. I know and I am completely aware I am acting way beyond what is right and must, wala naman talaga akong karapatan to act or even feel this way. Sorry for that. I am really trying to partly forget about what happened, and I suggest you should,too. And hey, if you feel like cutting me out of your life, that’s fine, just let me know, ‘di sa drama, pero if that would settle out things for the better, then why not. I hope you can read this. And, bakit ka pala nag chat nung nakaraan and then suddenly hindi ka naman nagreply? It may turn out sayo na ang big deal nanaman for me, pero hindi naman. It bothered me for a while tho,kasi na curious ako. Other than that,wala na. And yeah, i guess that’s all. Dito ko na lang sinabi sayo,ayoko lang sa chat, it may be marked as “seen” lang. Thank you.

Back to my purpose.
I may not be posting anything after this. Masyado na akong ma-drama,eh. Siguro i’ll be back after a month,a year, or maybe not at all. Who knows.

Or maybe it is my fault after all.
For letting myself to “try” again after years of being alone.
For letting myself expect for much more eventhough I know there’s nothing more left.
For letting myself say those sweet words I’ve never uttered since the past 3 years.
For letting myself think and dream of things that weren’t really going to happen.
For letting myself partly fall even tho I know I’ll be the one who will try to help to catch myself at the end.

Yeah,I guess it’s my fault after all.

Times like this,I want to go to any place far from my home. Just by myself. Nothing to bring along,just my thoughts and feelings that have made me this decision of being alone. I really cannot contain anything that has something to do with emotional pain. I want to leave reality for a bit. I want to go to a place where I can shout the fuck out everything that causes this sick shit. This have happened to me for how many times now and still why can’t I manage and overrule this fucking feeling. It had always consumed my entire self and I CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I just cant bear all of this. Do I really deserve this? If yes,then WHAT the fuck did I do? How come I am (I guess) the only guy who’s experiencing this? HOW COME I CANNOT TO THAT SHIT THEY’VE DONE TO ME TO OTHER PEOPLE? Am I too weak? Too naive? Or too coward? Or maybe too dumb to realize that I am not worthy to anyone crossing my path?

"If only I could express how grateful I am for having you"

I like you. I like you a lot. I like everything about you. Your flaws? They mean nothing to me,all of them. Nothing would forbid me from liking you.

I don’t care if the feeling’s not mutual or even if you don’t even care. This isn’t about what might happen if I insist this, I don’t care.

Keeping your distance would mean no help. I’ll just love you more. Am I too much? Well, don’t put the blame on me. You’re too wonderful to be ignored.