Lately,hindi na ako ganun ka saya kausap. Feels like all the happiness had drifted away. Siguro,sa mga close kong kaibigan,they would still find me funny in some ways,sa mga nakakausap ko ng madalas,for they can understand me and what I’ve been and I am going through. Hindi na ganoon kadali magtago ng kaibigan,eh. I know people come and go, people change and I must admit na hindi lahat ng tao,mapi-please ko.

Hindi ko alam,feels like I am being betrayed? I know my friends,alam ko kung kailan na nila hindi “feel” yung tao dahil naisheshare nila yun sa akin. Pero I cannot obviously figure out what they’re up to. Malakas din naman ako makaramdam,pero nari-relieve or nakakampante lang ako if something wrong is being said to me directly or frankly. Para naman alam ko,diba? Hindi ko kasi minsan iniinda yung sakit na kaakibat nung maririnig ko,ang iniisip ko kung ano yung magiging resulta kung babaguhin ko man kung ano yung mali.

I know I have been a good friend,not that good na mala-Santino, kumbaga alam ko kung ano yung mas makakabuti or nakakabuti kaya maayos ang pakikitungo ko sakanila. Pero wala. Hindi ko naman ineexpect na same treatment,pero yung makaramdam man lang sila? That’ll be a big help for me to know things that needs to be fixed,changed,or whatever.

Hindi ko alam if they’re still my friends,or friends lang ata pag kasama ko sila.
But I’m still thankful to those who have seen my worth as a friend,atleast I know someone or somebody can still appreciate me. Hay, just let me have time to unwind and think things up.

Change? Sounds interesting.
Kung magbago kaya ako,anong mangyayari?..

Not words of wisdom

"Dapat ganitong lalaki yung hinahanap eh" -Blockmate

Nakaka-flatter. Hindi ko alam. Sa totoo lang,madalang ako tumanggap ng puri. Dahil alam ko,ginawa ang puri para lamang pagaangin ang loob ng isang tao,at madalas,ang puri ay peke. Pero,nung narinig ko yun,nakakatuwa. But in the other hand,nakakalungkot.

Okay,rewind rewind. Eto yung usapan namin ng kaklase kong si Ivy.

Ivy: Oy may balita ako sayo ha
Ako: Oh ano nanaman yun?
Ivy: 3 years ka na daw single.
Ako: Oo,bakit? *tawa
Ivy: Seryoso? *nagtatakang mukha
Ako: Oo nga. *tawa ulit
Ivy: Bakit ka niya iniwan?
Ako: Eh wala eh gusto niya yun.
Ivy: Sobrang nasaktan ka daw?
Ako: Oo,pero di naman yung sobrang sobra…

And there goes the line “Dapat ganitong lalaki hinahanap eh.”
Isn’t it wonderful to hear such words?
Pero eto yung twist.

As I’ve mentioned above,nakakatuwa,but on the other hand,nakakalungkot. Why? Kasi para sa babae, napaka heroic act na kapag nagmamahal ng totoo ang isang lalaki. Ano naman kung nagmahal ako ng totoo at nasaktan ako? Para sa akin, that’s not much of a good deed, pero sa panahon ngayon,sinasamba na pala ang mga lalaking ganon. Nakakalungkot,diba? Tuluyan na palang nag iba ang pananaw ng isang babae sa opposite sex. Marahil,ang tingin na ng mga babae sa amin ay manloloko,paasa,gago,sinungaling,o kung ano pa mang negative na ugali na pinapakita ng ibang lalaki ngayon.

Ang pangit,sa totoo lang,kasi sa lumalaking bilang ng lalaking gago ngayon,natatabunan na yung mga lalaking may mabuti pang loob. At ito din ang dahilan kung bakit nila-lahat ng isang babae ang mga lalaki kapag once na naloko na siya. Hindi rin natin sila masisi, kasi yung kapwa natin lalaki yung may kasalanan.

Mahirap? Aba’y natural. Kasi ang hirap na i-prove sa isang babae na hindi parin lahat ng lalaki ay magkakatulad. Na hindi parin lahat ng lalaki gago at tarantado. Na may mga lalaki pa ring heto,nag-hihintay na mahalin din sila ng totoo.


"You never know when love hits you,that’s why you should and you must always keep your guard up. Unexpected things hurt the most,trust me."

Actually this isn’t about love,
or I’m not yet there,so I cannot consider.

After a looong time of not having a “crush” (or whatever you call it)
I already found mine a couple of weeks ago.

First thing I,myself, finds sooo freakin’ attractive is one’s smile. And I do surely admit that she got me there. Her smile brings stars into my eyes. It’s like I’m seeing a masterpiece made by some famous painter namely Leonardo Da Vinci. I don’t know but I really,reallyyyyyy find it attractive when someone’s got a beautiful smile.

Second thing, she’s “chinita” !! Like whenever she smiles,her eyes would automatically become two slits or like two curved lines and damn, that perfectly suits her angelic smile. I’m not really into chinita’s but I’ve found it some kinda cute lately.

Third thing? Nahh. I still do not know her completely well yet. So the things I’ve mentioned above (maybe) were enough for me to adore her.

Okay. I think that’s it. I’ve got nothing to add. All out of words. xx

Is it really necessary to answer these? Hahaha.

1 Describe Keena Lorainne Mamuri Mescallado with the most complete thoughts possible.

- Weird,but not in a annoying way. Funny,but not in a funny way (ang corny kasi niya serioulsy HAHAHA). Okay. She’s the type of girl you wouldn’t want to argue with,unless you want to face the Hulk,then go ahead. At first, I thought she’s the typical kind of girl that you’ll see hunting for boys at malls and stuff related to sassy things. But, I was wrong. She’s the total opposite of that. I don’t even know if she’s a girl either. (kidding,hahaha)

2 List down all her favorites that you (think) you know

- Penguins,obviously her height’s like one. Carnations? I think. Kuya P? Hahaha. Books. Coffee. Dangerous activities. Risk taking challenges? Sketches. And books and more coffee,of course.

3 What’s her most familiar attitude. 

- Pagiging corny. Joke. Having tantrums for no particular reason,I guess. 
Caring,for I consider her as my “ate”. Being positive and supportive, I mean she always was, whenever I feel like not living, and there she goes, cheers me up like hell. Hahaha.

4 Her greatest impact on you

- I’ve consulted her before answering this. Hmm,since I met her, I started to hate her for her not-really-funny-but-she-thinks-it-was-funny jokes :(( Hahaha. Kidding. Since I met her, I loved talking to her. I don’t know but I’m comfortable sharing her everything. And I easily trust her for that. And that’s it. (I really think she’s my long lost sister)

5 Keena pa rin ba? Post a picture of us.

- Nahh. Next time.

6 Tama na sa Keena? Who are you? I don’t need your name, I need your self-identity. I deserve an explanation.

- I’m the type of person who loves anyone but doesn’t get the same treatment back. I’m an introvert. I’m fucking annoying. I annoy people a lot. I am nobody.

7 Last ng Keena. Sa mga kilala mong lalaki ni Keena, who do you think fits her best? State reasons. I deserve acceptable reasons.

- Nahh. Don’t fool me, you already know what would be my answer. But for your pleasure, okay i’ll answer it. I guess,the boy she’s having issues with right now fits her. One reason is because of their height, they would look cute together. Another is (I think), they possess the same kind of attitude. And… I’m out of words.

8 What is your greatest insecurity?

- I don’t know.

9 How would you define Happiness? And think of the last time that you are happy, tas kwento mo. Pakibilisan, naghihintay ako.

- Happiness is when I don’t care of everything around as long as I can make the people around me laugh their lungs out.
The last time? When I’ve seen her response at my inbox. You probably know who that is, ‘cause you’re the reason why we became friends. And I thank you for that.

10 How would like to be remembered?

- I’d like to be remembered as one of everyone’s friend. Not just an ordinary friend,of course. I like them to remember me as a part of themselves. Because I know that when that time comes, I’ve played my role completely well and great on their lives.

10 ulit, walang pakialamanan Song or quotation that you would want me to listen to. Reasons, oh, reasons.

-Quotations are being played nowadays? Hahaha. Terrified,by Katherine Mcphee. The first song which made me cry. 

11 How are you right now?

- I feel grand. I’m on a rollercoaster that only goes up,my friend ;)

I’m the type of person who gets easily attached to someone even though my existence and value is not being recognized.

I easily trusy people when I’m starting to get comfortable being with them or whenever I’m talking to them. It fills me with delight to know that I’ve got someone to talk to,regardless of what could be our topic, I am still able to enjoy it.

But in a snap of a finger,they’d be gone.
I know myself. I know when something’s wrong and I can feel when someone’s not being true to me. But I got myself blind to this because of the love I have or I had for them. Love overrules my hatred for life’s unfair scenarios.

I do not demand for all your attention,time,and even love to be focused on me and me only. I do not demand to be treated special. I do not demand for you to consider me to be one of your greatest friends to have ever existed. If you could only notice my presence and value what we have,and of course being true to me, I’ll be grateful for the remaining years of my life. So,is that too much to ask?